-- Tarh Nama (Rama)
My father gave me books
while life gave him fields.
From a little village,
where the state transport bus
appeared only once in three or four days,
he still gathered what he could
to send me to a good private school,
to an institute he believed
could shape my tomorrow.
A keeper of mithuns,
a man who spoke more through his hands
than through words.
His palms knew the language
of soil, rain, seasons, and sacrifice.
And my mother - just a school peon,
quietly earning her modest wage,
carrying in her heart
a dream much bigger
than her little pay could afford.
Between my father's field
and my mother's humble salary,
they built me a ladder
from which they hoped
I would climb higher than them.
Sometimes I remember
Udit Narayan's legendary song:
"Papa kehte hain bada naam karega,
Beta humara aisa kaam karega…"
"Koi engineer ka kaam karega,
Business mein koi apna naam karega…"
Perhaps my father heard that song
and quietly saw me in it.
Perhaps he imagines today,
his son becoming someone
he could be proud of.
Perhaps he dreams of seeing me
as an officer,
or at least behind a desk,
with a nameplate
bearing my name.
But here I am-
living through my thirties,
carrying degrees
like unopened letters
from a future
that never arrived.
BA in English.
MA in English.
BEd.
So many years of education,
so many pages turned,
so many examinations passed-
yet not an officer,
not a clerk,
not even a peon.
And sometimes I wonder:
What was the worth of all those degrees
when the world still asks me-
"What have you become?"
I have never driven an
auto rickshaw,
but I imagine myself
riding one to a cardamom garden,
returning to the fields,
or working as a labourer
just to keep life moving.
Not because labour is beneath me-
but because I remember
the hands that worked
so mine could hold a pen.
And still, some nights,
a voice asks:
"What an embarrassing child I am.
What a burden I have become.
They gave me so much-
what have I given them?"
Perhaps I am only late, not a failure.
Perhaps - the ink is still wet.
(The contributor resides in Naharlagun, and can be contacted at 8413966238)